| The
Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
Find
an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim
her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. -- Deuterononmy
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find
a prostitute and marry her. -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
Find
a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
Purchase
a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -- Boaz
(Ruth 4:5-10)
Go
to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one
and carry her off to be your wife. -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
Be
the first man on earth and you will get a wife while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib. -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
Agree
to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven
years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's
right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. -- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
Cut
off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and
get his daughter for a wife. -- David (I Samuel 18:27)
Even
if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely
find someone. (It's all relative of course.) -- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
Become
the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -- Xerxes
or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
When
you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have
seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your
decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." --
Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
Kill
any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons and lose
a glory though). -- David (2 Samuel 11)
Wait
for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea,
it's the law). -- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example
in Ruth)
Don't
be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -- Solomon (1 Kings
11:1-3)
A
wife?...NOT!!! -- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
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