Close Topic Options

Do You Believe In Valid Reasons For Your Behavior?

These have been very interesting concepts for me to think about. I will try to explain what I think reasons and excuses mean, in my opinion, of course. Included in my reasonings are the definitions of "reason" and "excuse" according to the Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary along with my own thinking.

Excuse: Attempts to remove blame from oneself, to shirk personal responsibility, and to overlook the behavior. Trying to deny responsibility for something. Something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused. An expression of regret for failure to do something. To condone or pardon, implying that one overlooks without censure their own behavior.

Reason: A statement offered in explanation, a rational ground or motive, a sufficient logical defense, something (as a principle or law) that supports a conclusion or explains a fact, the thing that makes some fact intelligible. The cause of something, the power of comprehending, inferring, or thinking especially in orderly rational ways, to sum up and make logical conclusions. Within reason, within reasonable limits, with good cause.

"Excuses cover up responsibility. Reasons expose irresponsibility" Resource: Click here for the resource of that quote.

What do you think? How do you define for yourself what makes an explanation a reason and what makes an explanation an excuse? Which one do you think you personally use, if either of them? Reasons or excuses?

Edited: dawnofthenew on 23rd Feb, 2005 - 10:07pm

Behavior Your Reasons Valid In You Do

I think that people with children (myself included) tend to automatically consider any reasons to be excuses. My children make excuses. For example, one hit the other because they took something from them. We have taught them no to hit and their idea is that the other should be punished instead of them.

Excuses tend to be made over and over. We continue to do something regardless of consequences and the situation surrounding it, and try to justify the behavior by making excuses. What we should be doing is stopping the behavior and stop justifying it with excuses.

Sometimes though, people over react and call everything an excuse simply because they are upset or don't like the person they are dealing with. If someone truly has a valid reason for their behavior, then it is the responsibility of the person that is on the other end to listen to that reason and respond appropriately. This is where judgment comes into play, most people judge quickly and harsh than we should and invalided good reasoning for lousy excuses. This not only demeans the other person but completely invalidates their reasoning causing them to no longer make valid arguments but except the incorrect assumptions of their behavior.

The differences between reasoning and excuses can be made by taking the time to patiently discern between the behavior that upsets you, and the cause behind it. If the cause being given can logically link to the behavior, then it is a reason for it. If it cannot be logically linked, or the cause is a lie, or exaggerated precept, then it is an excuse and should be handled much differently.

Do You Believe In Valid Reasons For Your Behavior? Health & Special Psychology

I do not care much about explaining my actions..in fact I hate it and I now that some of them have the root inside of me (that is the way I felt to do) and they have no logical explanation.

Behavior Your Reasons Valid In You Do

I agree that excuses are attempts to remove personal blame, but not that reasons are particularly taking responsibility. The only difference is that reasons are always true. Something caused something else to happen. It might be your responsibility, it might be your failure, but it also might be an exterior influence, because these things do happen. We are not always responsible.

Excuses, however, are always the same. They always say one thing: It isn't me. If it indeed wasn't you, then the excuse could also be a reason, but if it was your responsibility, then the excuse is a lie, and a tool for you to escape guilt.

Behavior Your Reasons Valid In You Do

I rarely explain the entire rationale for my actions to anybody. If I make a mistake, I want to repent and be done with the matter without childish public rationalizing. However, within myself, I find it necessary to trace the source of my actions. For example, I might think about my actions and decide, "My hectic work schedule, my mounds of homework compounded by my procrastination problem, and the virus I was fighting contributed to my irritability tonight at opera rehearsal." That introspection does not justify my actions; it simply names some contributing factors, some of which I can definitely control. I am responsible for my mood, but if I do not figure out how that mood happens, it will control me without my consent.

Therefore, I believe in having and consciously analyzing reasons, without making excuses.

Do You Believe In Valid Reasons For Your Behavior?

I was told long ago that once we reach a certain age (say, 25), or once we have revealed to us the reasons behind our irresponsible or other bad behavior (for instance, parental examples (or lack thereof), abuse, peer pressure, etc.) then we are responsible for using that knowledge and can no longer use those "reasons" as excuses.

Once we learn the cause behind our behavior, it is up to us to overcome it. I can't continue to blame my alcoholic parent for the way I respond to everything for the rest of my life. Once I recognize the source of my poor choices (or whatever), at that point I have to make the choice to change myself. If I don't, then what had been a valid reason now becomes an excuse.

And as my son learned in the military: "There is no such thing as a good excuse."

In my opinion, of course.
Roz

Do You In Valid Reasons Your Behavior

These are excellent remarks Farseer. If we are talking about adults who are behaving in a way that it is not appropiate, I think the first step is recognizing the behavior and the source of it. I think an adult should be mature enough to recognize the behavior and change it. A responsible adult should try very hard not blame his/her pity childhood or his/her parents for their behavior. I am very aware that there are people who went through a lot of things in life, and it is indeed very sad, yet if the person wants to change needs to take responsibility and change the things that are needed regardless of who is the one to blame. I think sometimes we spend so much time justifying our behavior that we do not realize that our behavior may be affecting people around us. In my opinion, it does not matter whether we have valid reasons for our behavior or not, as someone pointed out before, we have the control to change our emotions and our behavior. So even though I may have ALL the valid reasons for my behavior, it does not make it right.

Excuses in my opinion are used when we do not want to take responsibility for our actions, because really, if we did something wrong whether we have a valid reason or an excuse, the act itself does not change, therefore we must try our best to change the things we need to change and once and for all, take the necessary steps to avoid the rationalization of our acts as we do most of the time.

Edited: LDS_forever on 26th Feb, 2005 - 12:05pm

Do You In Valid Reasons Your Behavior Psychology Special & Health

I think there is a big difference between an excuse and a reason. The reason I tend towards being a "bit" controlling is probably quite likely due to my experiences growing up with the lack of control caused by alcoholism in my family. This is a pretty well established result of such a childhood. However, that is not an excuse for the behavior. The behavior is still wrong. I can't justify the behavior by saying "well, I can't help it I am an adult child of an alcholic."

What I can do, is recognize I have that tendancy towards that inappropriate behavior and do my best to change that behavior. Now, I think it can be a very difficult thing to change behaviors that we have valid reasons for having. I have not been 100% successful at such attempts, but at least can say I am constantly progressing. That doesn't mean we should simply expect people to accept these behaviors. We must recognize the problem is ours and always fight to change them when we can. Some behavioral traits I have probably won't ever be completely eliminated, but I can work at controlling how they affect others.

So, in an apology, I might tell someone that I am sorry for having tried to take control of the situation. If I am really close to the person, I might even try to explain why it is a problem for me, but at the same time, I must stress that I know the behavior is unacceptable. That I am not offering an excuse, and that I will do my absolute best not to behave the same way again in the future. If I do behave the same way in the future, I cannot expect that person to simply forgive me again like they may have the first time. They should not be expected to accept the behavior simply because there is a valid reason for it. In that case, I am trying to make the valid reason, an excuse.

This is, of course, all my personal opinion, based upon my personal experiences.