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Joke - This should Cheer you up! - Page 2

If you are sad go down to the grocery store and buy a box of laundry detergent called cheer  and take it home and you will be cheered up.  and if that doesn't work go back and buy a box of tide laundry detergent take it home and put it next to the cheer and then give it a quarter turn and then  you can say the tide has turned to cheer you up.

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If you like detective stories here is a good one. (read it with the Humphrey Bogart voice in mind)
  SAM SHOVEL PRIVATE NOSE
You've all heard of Sam Spade, private eye, well my name is Sam Shovel, Private nose.
The other day as I climbed out of the chandlers, you see I'm a light sleeper, I went to my private office, opened my private door, went in and sat behind my private desk, and my private secretary came in and poured murine all over my private eye. I picked up the phone, you see it was ringing. Right away I could tell the girl on the other end was despret for money. She kept saying deposit 35 cents please! Then she said Dirty dealing dan dugan from dry gultch ditch. This was a case for the fashicious fumagnation of the organization of the screwball dignatails.
I needed a drink. I reached on the shelf and took down the bottle, took the cap off and drank it down. It made me feel blue, I looked agin, it was a bottle of ink. I knew dirty dealing dan when I was a fighter.
We boxed chocolates together in a candy factory. Just then a tall beautiful blond walked past my window. How did I know she was tall? My office is on the second floor. She had long beautiful, blond hair all down her back. She had to have it someplace. There wasn't any on her head. There must have been something extreamly fascinating about her left eye, the right one kept looking at it. Her teeth reminded me of summer, sum'er here and sum'er there. They also reminded me of sparkling water, one down and seven up.
Right away I knew she was the girl I had to follow. I left the office and as I reached the street I heard the sound of breaking glass behind me, you see I had forgotten to open the door. Never-the-less I hailed a cab. The driver got behind the wheel and 10, 20, 30, 40 times he tried to start the car. But soon we were on our way. I directed him to the last chance saloon. As we reached our destination I went up to the bar tender and asked "Sir have you seen a man eight feet tall, green hair, fifteen fingers and a pinball machine strapped to his back?" "No " he answered, but is there anything peculiar about him? Yes I replied, the pinball machine was tilted. Look up the stairs he said. So I did, one, two, three, four, flights of stairs. My nose started to bleed, because of the altitude. I went to the door and knocked. The door opened and there was that same beautiful blond. She had a gun in her left hand, and a gun in her right hand, with a knife between her teeth. Right away I could tell something was holding her back. Oh yes her garter was caught on the door knob, but she snapped out of it. Then she kissed me. Boy what a cut up. You see she still had the knife between her teeth. I said Look baby, I came here looking for clues.
Well, she said look in the clues closet. And so I did and there was dirty dealing dan dugan. Quick, Quick, she cried, shoot him with your forty-four. I didn't have a forty-four, so I shot him twice with a twenty-two. This goes to prove that Sam Shovel always gets his man.                      
         Now isn't that cute.

Joke - This should Cheer you up! Games Forum & Humor Jokes

I like that cheer one the best.  It was funny and it made me happy.  That last story is a cute one for sure.  I liked it

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Wayned it is always a joy to read your little stories and jokes on the site.  I find them quite funny.

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Name: Chris
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Comments: Let me just tell you how happy I am you posted this, my dad always tells this joke and I have been looking for it online to learn, and there you have it, the Sam Shovel routine I know, in full. Thank You Very Much.