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Choose Your Spouse, Boyfriend or Girlfriend Over Your Family? - Page 2

I agree with arvhic. It really would depend upoin the situation. My biological mom and my step-dad have about the same weight in my decisions as the butterfly that hit my windshield the other day. When Josh and I first started dating eighty years ago, his mom absolutely did not like me. I wasn't his ex-girlfriend, therefore I was the devil. We stuck it through, though, and now she treats me just like a daughter. We confide in each other. The more she got to know me, the better her opinion got of me. She watches over me more than my own mother.

If it came to my Grandpa, because he is right there in the center of my universe, then I would question it. My Grandpa has a very good outlook on people, and he has the gift of discernment, and he makes good judgement. If he came to me with concern over the person I was with, then I would probably take a second look simply because I trust him completely. As it is, he adores Josh and was calling him my fiance before we were actually engaged. That also confirms that I am with the right man.

Family Your Girlfriend Boyfriend Spouse Choose

Once an individual makes the commitment marry someone, the spouse should carry the most weight in decisions about other familial relationships. That is part of cleaving to each other - to cleave is not only to bond together, but it is to cleave, or in other words cut, other ties that would be detrimental to that relationship.

For example, since being married, my wife and I have had to make decisions about school, employment, when we want to have kids, and hundreds of other little choices. My parents and her parents have opinions on many of them, and we do listen to their advice, but ultimately we decide for ourselves what is best for us. If a parent or other family member was strongly opposed to our marriage for some reason, we would choose each other over that person's opinion, even if it meant losing the good will of that family member. We are the most important people to each other. I do not propose that isolation is the foundation of a good marriage, but I do say that any other factor, including Mom and Dad's opinions, should be considered with less weight than the happiness of one's own spouse.

In the case of a boyfriend or girlfriend, I have a different view. First, the couple has not made a permanent commitment to each other. Yes, I know that's an unpopular view in this era of cohabitation, but it is true. You only love a person as much as the time you commit to spend with them. If a man lives with his girlfriend, he does not love her eternally. He does not even love her for life. He has not made that commitment. He loves her until they break it off, and the longest it can last is until death. That is the end. Thus, family relationships, which are more enduring, should be considered FIRST in this situation, because they are more permanent. Until a couple is committed enough to marry, their families should come first, and a couple is NOT committed enough to marry UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY DO. Passion is not enough to cement a relationship and make it more important than one's true family.

Choose Your Spouse, Boyfriend or Girlfriend Over Your Family? Health & Special Psychology

I understand some of the points given. Nevertheless, it is very different to have a girlfriend/boyfriend than to be actually married therefore the priorities are quit different. I completely understand that things are different when you are just dating someone making sense that what family and friends has to say have some type of "weight" on the issue, since you are not fully committed as yet. But once you are married, then in my opinion as Howe also pointed out, what your wife or husband has to say or decide on an issue should weight much more than what "relatives" think. The married couple in this case should solve their own issues without external participation.

Page 2 Family Your Girlfriend Boyfriend Spouse Choose

I agree with many points in this post, but especially with the points that Howe and LDS have made. It is completely different the commitment made in a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship, to that of a married couple.
Once a marriage has taken place, regardless of relative's feelings, the spouse should always come first, this is part of the full commitment that has been made to each other.

On the other hand, when a couple are dating only, and relatives feel that it's not a good match, in my opinion, they have the right to state that they don't feel that their relative is in the right relationship with a certain person.
This changes upon marriage in my opinion, and regardless how unhappy the relatives feel about the marriage, they should take a back seat, as it is now out of their hands.

I have seen several times, mainly females, trying to seperate their partners from their family, I feel that it must be a 'security' issue, and they want to only be seen as number 1, not playing second part to their partners family.
I feel that this is really sad, as most of the time, they haven't even given the relatives a chance!

Family Your Girlfriend Boyfriend Spouse Choose

Just a friend, no. My spouse, yes. My spouse means I'm committed and can't get relatives in the way of that.