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Age Differences In Relationships - Page 2

I think you are missing the point. The person in the example is a married man/woman who has also children. Therefore if it becomes sexual is automatically wrong. Why a fully grown up man or woman who has a job, have to take care of kids and spouse would want to even entertain a close relationship with a teen?. There is nothing wrong with the teen, the point is the adult: why he/she would take such time. Something must be wrong.

I read all the responses so far and it seems to me that all the responses given can detect some kind of "danger" about an adult having a close relationship with a teen. I am a very practical person and the first thing I would think is: why a man or woman who is married and have kids and have "experienced" life would even want to have as a friend a 15 or 16 years old kid ? Something just do not sound right to me, even more if the teen in question is from the opposite sex. I know teenagers may not understand this, but the reality... based on "real" life and statitistics shows that when a fully grown adult is interested in having a teen as their "friend" is because they are looking for other type of relationship but they are trying to win the trust of the teen in order to manipulate them and let them do what they wanted them to do. And no, I do not think teens are dumb, but I do think they are easily influenced, even more if they think the adult is a respected member of the society. It is very easy to fall for them because they have trusted that person and the adult used that trust to satisfy their evil desires.

I think it would be great if the teen is going with his/her parents...now the point is: will the adult want to go with the teen if the parents are present?. What will be the parent's reaction when"Bill" who is 15 years old shows that his good friend is in fact a full grown up woman, married and with kids who is 40 years old?. If you are a parent, just think about how would be your reaction if your own teen kid introduces you to a full grown man/woman as their friend.

What are they saying in privately that they cannot say it publicly?. I do not think it is a appropiate for an adult to be chatting privately with a teen online. He/she (the adult) should be looking for friends of his/her age and since the person in the example given is married, why do the adult needs other kind of relationship besides his/her spouse...yes...we all need friends...why to choose a 15 or 16 years old?.That's why in our own chat room, it is moderated.

You would be surprised on the amount of teens who make dates with adults online. It is scary. I think online relationships are as dangerous as "real life" relationships because they can be so easily "hidden" from the teen's parents and the adult's spouse and teens in general have a very strong feeling of loyalty and they are not going to say anything just so. We have to understand that all these type of relationships started very innocently...without thinking it may cause any harm, and end up destroying the body and soul of a kid, a family broken apart and children being the victims of all.

Basically, I do not think it is appropiate for an adult to have a close relationship with a teen because I think the adult (if it is not a mentor or related to the kid) is in fact looking for a different kind of relationship and whether we want to hear the word or not, a full grown adult who is looking to take advantage in a certain way of a minor and is lying to the kid in order to get him/her to do something shameful in the end, is a pedophile. It does not have to happened anything sexually in order to be consider a pedophile. I just wish teens and adults can be more aware of these kind of individuals...and no, they do not posses any special characteristics, they sound and look just like you and me, have jobs, they are married, they are friendly, they are good citizens, some of them are even "religious", they seem "normal"...they look "normal" but in fact, what they really want to do is far from good. It is up to the teen and his parents to monitor what their kid do and the kind of friends the kid has. It is very easy for them to fall. If the teen suspect that the interest of an adult who they do not know well, is suspicious..probably is time to end up the relationship for good.

Relationships Differences Age

I was not saying it isn't wrong, I was just saying that it is just as possible to go in that direction as any other relationship, with no age difference.

No, nothing has to be wrong. If you're a fully grown up man or woman, have to take care of kids and spouse, by following your thread of thought ,why would you take any such time to have any relationship at all besides your family? Friendships are necessary, and sometimes age doesn't hold them back.

Age Differences In Relationships Health & Special Psychology

Of course friendships are neccesary but do you have a close relationship with a 5 or 6 years old kid?. I do not think so, it does not mean there is anything wrong with the younger kid, it is just that your interests would be very different from them. I think friendships are neccesary for all kind of individuals, including married people but I do not think age is just a "detail" as you put it. A married person's interests are totally different from a single adult, so imagine how different can be of a teen and if the adult cannot have another adult as a friend but chooses to have a teen as their buddy, then I do see something is not quiet right.

Page 2 Relationships Differences Age

The responses so far have been really great, thank you all for your well-thought-out posts here.

When my son was 15, we had some experience with this particular topic. As his mother, I made sure that I monitored his email and online time, and filtered out spam and other things so as not to leave those types of temptations at his fingertips. So, when he started getting a lot of emails from one certain person "Miss Terry" -- at first I thought, how cute! He has an online girlfriend! One day there were several, one right after the other, maybe a dozen. It seemed curious, so I checked one.

To my shock and horror, I discovered that my son had been chatting romantically online with a woman who was my age! What I discovered that day was that she had set up a post office box for him to receive mail from her and "gifts, wink-wink" as she put it in one note to him. I was stunned and shocked, and scared to death. He was living with his dad at that time, and I notified him immediately about the P.O. box. The note had instructions for picking up the key, so his dad went and got it -- along with the physical address that was necessary to give when setting up the box.

I won't go into any more detail, other than to say the police were involved, and it was ended (mostly) at that time. I went back and read all of the email between the two from the beginning, and it seemed innocent enough at the start; however, it quickly became something completely inappropriate.

In my opinion, any relationship that a young man or young woman hides from their parents is inappropriate. The fact that a kid would think that he/she had to hide it from the parents speaks volumes right there. They *know* it's wrong, and so they hide it. If the relationship can be kept open to "public" viewing, the parents know the adult and they all have contact and are friends together, maybe it can be okay. But even then, as has already been pointed out, why would someone married with kids of their own *seek out* a teen for a relationship? Other than mentoring, scouting, teaching situations, I believe it is inappropriate; and even adults in those positions of authority must be very careful about impropriety.

In my opinion, of course.
Roz

Relationships Differences Age

I was not saying it isn't wrong, I was just saying that it is just as possible to go in that direction as any other relationship, with no age difference.

True, but the major difference is that with two adults, it won't be illegal. There is a very big difference between two consenting adults (even married ones) deciding to have a sexual relationship and an adult and a teen or even younger child. In fact, the teen is always considered to have been exploited in such cases even if they gave their consent. That is what we refer to as statutory rape. There is a reason for these laws as already indicated in previous posts.

While at first glance you might consider this true, however experience seems to indicate otherwise. Many police departments have task forces designed to find sexual predators on-line. Very often, a sexual predator makes contact in a chat room. Eventually they seek to meet the person face to face. This happens often enough that the police departments think it something they must regularly monitor. To me, that would suggest a very real danger to such on-line meetings even in the early stages because you just don't know that the person you are chatting with on-line is really who and what they profess to be.

Age Differences In Relationships

Tena, I had to give you a charisma point for your last post!. I think it was very important to mention what you said about statutory rape and the police. Thanks.

Roz, thank you so much for sharing such a personal experience. Wow, I can imagine how painful and shocking this experience must have been for you!. Thanks for bringing more light to this discussion by sharing your experience as a mom who went through this with her son.

That's exactly my point. In the beginning it may seem innocent and friendly but with time the communication and relationship changes with another "tone" and before to even reach that stage in my opinion, the relationship should stop or it should not have started in the first place.

Edited: LDS_forever on 15th Feb, 2005 - 12:48pm

Age Differences Relationships - Page 2

It use to be cool to be a teenager and have a relationship with someone older (especially for young boys) but now...is so much different. If your parents find out...is the thing that could ruin your life and get your girlfriend to jail...that would never happened in the '80
We are more aware now about the dangers and overall that is a good thing.

Age Differences Relationships Psychology Special & Health - Page 2

I wanted to provide some facts and resources that I found on the internet that back up my thoughts. First, I found a website that took a survey of teens and if you read the details of how the interviews were set up, you might agree with me that the information seems reliable. Click HERE for the website. It says that only 2% of online contacts turned into a romantic relationship for these teens, and this includes romantic relationships with other teenagers, not just adults. It also says that only 7% of teens ever met the other person, and again that includes teens and adults. Next, I want to quote this website and you can click HERE for it. This quote is from different parts of the main page, but it is all there:

I am not trying to discount the horror of the cases that involve sexual predators and manipulator's, but this analogy came to mind. Should we completely ban public swimming because there are so many drownings? I feel that rather than banning public swimming that bringing awareness and teaching people how to swim or avoid areas where they can't swim in is the way to go. For those who are concerned about adults taking advantage of teens, such things are not done in the open, but in private. It is only when a relationship turns secretive that there is any real need to be concerned. If my daughter wanted to have an online relationship with a married man and he had children and a job, it would depend upon the circumstances of why the man wanted the relationship, but there are circumstances that exist that we would allow this and support her if she wanted the friendship. This is all my personal opinion.

Message Edited! Persephone: Offtopic about monitoring teens online removed