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Being Assertive Without Being Rude

Where is the line between being considerate, and letting people walk all over you?

I try to see things from other people's perspectives, and understand why they are doing what they are doing. As a result I often get walked all over by people.

So how do you stand up for yourself, without being rude, pushy, or a jerk?

Rude Without Assertive Being

Great topic Ramsus. I am a very practical person. I do not let anyone to walk all over me. I think when you try your best to understand people and people take advantage of you by constantly bothering you about something or just do not care about your feelings, then it is the time to become very firm and express exactly how you think. People may think you are rude when you are just getting a point across, but the reality is that you are just being a matter of fact person. I always stand for what I believe in regardless to what general people may think of me. I think you can have a balance between being considerate and firm at the same time.

Being Assertive Without Being Rude Health & Special Psychology

Very good question. Is it necessarily bad to be considered pushy or a jerk? I think that we have become (sometimes) too considerate of other peoples' opinions and points of view. I say this because too many of us are willing to consider the points of view of terrorists, murderers, and just plain scum, and treat those points of view with the same respect that we would give to the Pope or the President. In fact, there are an awful lot of people who pay more respect to the opinions of someone like Michael Moore or Barbra Streisand than they do to George W. Bush or Tony Blair.

Being considerate should end when what the other person wants is completely against your own self-interest. We get into the habit of bowing to other peoples' desires, to the point that we fail to take account of our own needs. That is a bad thing.

So, I think the most important thing is to take stock of your own needs, wants, and desires. Know what is good for you. Then be willing to go along with other people to meet their needs, wants and desires, insofar as you are able. I am not talking about becoming selfish, but rather to become realistic about yourself.

Rude Without Assertive Being

A lot of people would say that I don't have the answer to this because I am rude, pushy and a jerk. *smiles* However, I think those people don't understand the difference between being assertive and being agressive.

Anyway, I think I have a hard time with this when it is someone I consider a friend. If I don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings, I generally let you walk over me instead...to a point. Once you make me angry then you can forget about it. I will do whatever I must to make it clear to you that I won't tolerate your behavior.

So, obviously, I don't have the answer. *smiles again*

Edited: funbikerchick on 17th Feb, 2005 - 8:42pm

Rude Without Assertive Being

I try to be diplomatic and courteous at first, because I learned a long time ago that being nice can go a long way. However, if I see that this approach is not working, I have been known to become more assertive to the point of being rude. I think there is no way around being rude in certain circumstances and with certain people; it's a matter of whether one allows themselves to become rude or just gives up.

Being Assertive Without Being Rude

Great question, Ramsus!

Most of my growing up years were spent as a living doormat; people didn't just walk all over me, they cleaned their shoes on me, too. After a couple of (thousand) bad experiences in adulthood - divorce, custody issues, dating experiences - I did a "one-eighty" and suddenly became the queen of "Don't mess with me!" If someone even *hinted* that they were going to push me around, I was right in their face! Terrible! Oh, the things I said and did to preserve my poor fragile inner self....

Finally, one day, I saw the light. And I've come to a place where I feel comfortable expressing my opinion without spewing poison; where I can stand up for what I believe in, but do it in a firm, peaceful, calm manner, and without "roughing up" anyone else. It was a tough road getting there, but I really do appreciate the lessons I learned.

It's all about patience, perserverence, and steadfastness, in my opinion. Dont' give up your position, but don't kill to keep it.

In my opinion, of course.
Roz

Being Assertive Without Rude

I think that allot of people view those who stand up for themselves as being pushy or jerks. I would rather be considered pushy that a doormat. I think that you can be assertive without being pushy or rude. I am assertive but I don't think I come off as rude. Lots of users post assertively, some in this thread, and never come off as rude.

In order to not be rude while being assertive, you have to make sure not to insult the other persons views. Also, sarcasm turns most people off. Those types of posters tend to be looked at as aggressive and rude instead of assertive.