I Want Him Back
A soldier chopped his wife in a jealous rage yesterday, and within 12 hours was on his way to jail to serve an 18-month term. But despite her pain, it was a tearful wife who swore yesterday that her love for her husband was still strong. "I love him with all my heart. I just want him to be a changed person. I will wait for him to come home. I want him back," said Sunita Rajkumar.
I can't understand it. I don't care how much I depended on a man for my food, clothing, and shelter, I would never stay after being abused. Any man that thinks he is a bigger better person for harming a woman or a child is no man in my book. I'm wondering if the man was under the influence of any kind at the time he turned on his wife. Still, there's no excuse.
Renee, I am not sure if the guy was in drugs or not. It seems to me like the woman was definetly under the influence of something when she said she wanted him back rolleyes . It is sad to say but it is VERY common in Trinidad that women accept these kind of abuse or even more and they still want to defend "their man" (how they call them). I remember reading a story of a guy who tried to kill his own son and the wife still wanting him back!. Pure non-sense.
You know there are women in Trinidad & Tobago who actually believe that if there 'man' does not hit them (literally) then it means they do not love them - can you believe such idiocy to the max?
It's terrible. I try to think of what I would do if I was in that kind of situation. I love my husband very much. If he were to hit me or treat me unkindly, it would not change the fact that I still love him, I just could not stick around to be subject to more abuse. After all, that couple was together for 6 or 7 years... years that I'm sure were at one time or another filled with happiness and joy. If this was just a freak accident (after all, she intercepted him as he tried to go, right?) maybe they can go back to their lives when he gets out of jail. I just hope she wises up between now and then and realizes she can have better things out of life.
As a woman, I cannot understand this mentality.
However, as an East Indian, I know how culture can affect relationships.
In Indian families, men are seen as "masters" of some sort. They typically arent allowed to clean, cook or take care of children, along with any other "female duties". This is condoned and promoted by their mothers, who treat them like royalty.
So naturally, this mentality is also passed down to daughters, who are made to believe that they must take care of their men and dote on them when they are in a bad mood and do anything to keep them and make them happy.
I know that may sound like an exaggeration, but its really true.
And thats why so many Indian women find themselves in this situation. Its not to say that women of other races dont find themselves in these predicaments, but at the same time, in my opinion, the indian culture promotes this attitude more than others.
Cookie, that was great insight and although I must admit that I already was aware of this culture / tradition it is good that it came from you and not me. However, I must ask... have you been subjected to this kind of thinking? If so, how did you overcome it? Was it through education or travel? I am interested in knowing how other 'blind' women can be opened to the truth.
First of all..welcome back JB!
As for my exposure to this attitude....I have been subject to it. My father was raised in this way. His mother and sisters worshipped him, his father, and his brothers.
However, when he and my mother became involved, he realised she wasnt going to be like his sisters/mother...he was in for a rude awakening!..lol
Even though my mother was raised in a similar manner, she was independent in her thinking, and decided not to conform to what her culture dictated. She says she did this for the sake of her future daughters, because she didnt want us to grow up in that environment.
Anyway, its not like she doesnt still sacrifice and adore him..she couldnt COMPLETELY change him. And I still see a difference in the way she treats my brother as opposed to myself..but change is a process. I think women have to develop respect for themselves before committing to a relationship. Of course education has alot to do with it, since it promotes confidence and independence. They have to learn that relationships are about balance and mutual respect. And I think, like most other learning experiences, education begins at home.