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Joke of the day

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the inappropiate behavior that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When that angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased.

So while he was debating what to do about the 95%, He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good to encourage them -- give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn't get one either.

day the Joke

Church Signs


Signs in front of Churches

1. The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

2. Under same management for over 2,000 years.

3. Soul food served here.

4. Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk.

5. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

6. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!

7. Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.

8. We should be more concerned with the Rock Of Ages, instead of the age of rock.

9. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!

10. Come early for a good seat in the back.

11. Life has many choices! Eternity has two. What's yours?

12. Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

13. A man's character is like a fence. It cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

14. K-mart isn't the only saving place!

15. Preach the gospel at all times ... Use words only if necessary.

16. Delay is preferable to error.

17. It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.

18. What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?

19. A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

20. The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday!

21. Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.

22. Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings.

23. Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

24. May is God's apology for February.

25. To belittle is to be little.

26. Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you.

27. God answers knee mail.

28. Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.

Joke of the day Games Forum & Humor Jokes

I like your 'Church Signs', I might use one or two as opening liners in my next talk. Thanks.

day the Joke

God is sitting in heaven when a scientist prays to Him.

"God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way
to create life out of nothing - in other words, we can now do what you
did in the beginning."

"Oh, is that so? Tell Me..." replies God.

"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the
likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's very interesting... show Me."

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil
into the shape of a man.

"No, no, no..." interrupts God,    "Get your own dirt."

day the Joke

QUOTE

"No, no, no..." interrupts God,    "Get your own dirt."

LOL - That is a good one, especially for those 'know it alls' :

Joke of the day

COMPANY POLICIES UPDATE FOR ALL EMPLOYEES:

Effective Immediately!

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.  If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of the employment contract.

PERSONAL DAYS:  

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Have a nice week.
Management

Joke the day

One night young Buffy brought her boyfriend home to meet her
parents, and they were appalled by his appearance; leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents
pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Buffy,"
said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the blonde daughter, "if he wasn't nice,
why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

Joke the day Jokes Humor & Forum Games

MORE COMPANY POLICY UPDATES FOR ALL EMPLOYEES:
Effective Immediately!

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least
two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the
future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical
order. For instance, employees whose names begin with 'A' will
go from 8:00 to 8:20. For employees who are unable to go at
their allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next
day when their turn comes again. In extreme emergencies,
employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, toilet
paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture
will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be
posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"
category.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation, and input should directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

Management