Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Signs Abusive Relationship - Psychology, Philosophy, Special Needs - Posted: 25th Oct, 2003 - 11:15am

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Post Date: 16th Oct, 2003 - 11:54am / Post ID: #

Ldsniowa
Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
A Friend

Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

My friend got this list from Dear Abby and I think everybody needs to be aware of these warning signs.

Attached Image QUOTE
(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8.) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustices of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."


Male and Females can be abusers. If you are in this type of relationship get out now! Call your police or Sheriff's Depatment or The National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-7233

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Post Date: 17th Oct, 2003 - 1:07am / Post ID: #


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Relationship Abusive In You Signs

Ldsinowa, that's a great thread. Thanks for all that great information. I'm sure it will help a lot. :)



Post Date: 17th Oct, 2003 - 2:51am / Post ID: #

Ldsniowa
Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
A Friend

Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship Needs Special & Philosophy Psychology

When I shared these with some friends they added to them:

"Yelling at the partner, for anything."

"Blaming them for things that happened in their childhood, or before you even knew them."

"Financial abuse, charging the spouse for room and board, (for portions of groceries, house gas, house power, telephone, making them pay their own healthcare, meds., and toiletries.)"

"Spiritual abuse: not wanting the partner to go to their church, read or study the scriptures, then blaming the church for everything that went wrong."

"There is also a lot of emotional and psychological abuse that nobody ever sees and few people talk about. I feel that is one of the worst kinds of abuse since no one ever sees the scars. They are the hardest to heal from."

"What is the difference between someone who is having a bad day and someone who is truly abusive?

Here's the key:

With the bad-moment person, when you stand up for yourself, let them know you don't like it, and you want to be treated better, they will apologize, explain their problem and they will actually change for your sake. Not only that but they may thank you for reminding them of their duty. They are sincerely sorry they hurt your feelings. They make an honest attempt to change.

With the true abuser, your standing up for yourself only makes them dig in even harder. They will try to regain or maintain control by turning the tables on you, making YOU out at the person who is at fault, has bad character, isn't thinking straight, etc. If this ever happens with a person who has wronged you, it is the worse sign imaginable. Run, run, run. This person is a sick-o and will control and manipulate you whenever possible. He will justify his actions and condemn yours.

This person will play mind games on you forever. If the person is a spiritual abuser, the person will even quote scriptures and general authorities to "prove" the point. This will leave you feeling confused.

Remember, the Lord's house is a house of order. If any opinion other people attribute to Him sounds CONFUSING, doesn't make sense, doesn't feel right, then it is getting twisted. The true gospel is simple, clear, easy to understand, and so is this rule: Any person who can't say they're sorry when they've abused you, believes in abuse. So get out before you get so beaten down you can't run."

In my situation I called it Dr. Jekyll vs. Mr. Hyde. We (kids and I) never knew what to expect from one day to the next. We constantly walked on the perverbial egg shells...

I struggled with divorce as I knew how the Lord felt about divorce.  A mutual friend told me, "Yes, but he doen't want you to be miserable." After that I left for the last time.

If and when you should be in a relationship where all or part this rings true, just remember one thing, you are a child of our Father in Heaven and He loves you and does not want you to be unhappy.

I have a very dear friend who shared with me recently that the last time she saw her ex-boyfriend was after he had choked her so hard she passed out. The next morning upon him going to the bank a strong voice, which she believes was my son, her 'guardian angel' as she calls him, said, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" While on his errand the boyfriend called, still ranting. While trying to decide what to do, again the voice came, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" She then immediatly grabbed her purse and her cat and left in her pajamas and drove to her parents house two hours away. This girl is one of the sweetest girls I know and if it had not been for my son's untimely death she could have very well been my daughter-in-law.

No one, absolutely no one deserves to be treated like this.

Remember, if this is you, get out or call 911 now!

Post Date: 24th Oct, 2003 - 12:17am / Post ID: #


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Relationship Abusive In You Signs

What some of us don't know, and may never realize until in an abusive relationship, is how subtle some abuse is.  It starts off very small, a little thing that makes no sense and is easily rationalized away as a quirk or a "one time thing."  Eventually, after many of these little things have been rationalized, they start to seem normal.  You don't realize how bad you feel about yourself and your life until you wake up one morning and have to think up a good reason to live that day.  You don't want to call your family or friends -- the friends you have left, anyway -- because you don't like to bring them down.  So you go on, day after day, only because you have kids to take care of or a job to go to.

It's really really hard to get out of this kind of a situation, mainly because we don't recognize it as abusive.  It generally takes a major event to realize what is really going on.  For some women, by this time it's too late, because the big event is a deadly one.

Your list is a great one, ldsniowa!

Roz



Post Date: 24th Oct, 2003 - 3:23am / Post ID: #

Ldsniowa
Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
A Friend

Relationship Abusive In You Signs

So very true. I also think that denial has kept many of us from taking the big step out.

Thanks for your insight.

Post Date: 25th Oct, 2003 - 5:57am / Post ID: #


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Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Yes, denial is a big problem too.  Well, who wants to acknowledge that the man they fell in love with, married, and bore children with is abusing them and/or the kids?  It's a tough row to hoe.

Roz



Post Date: 25th Oct, 2003 - 10:45am / Post ID: #


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Signs You In Abusive Relationship

QUOTE
It's really really hard to get out of this kind of a situation, mainly because we don't recognize it as abusive.  It generally takes a major event to realize what is really going on.  For some women, by this time it's too late, because the big event is a deadly one.


I understand what you all are saying what I cannot comprehend is why if someone is being beated every day and even have black eyes or worst things they cannot see that as an abuse??? why they don't listen when their friends or family try to tell them and help them? why they get angry at their families and they defend their partners even when maybe the guy is abusing her own children! I cannot understand it!



Post Date: 25th Oct, 2003 - 11:15am / Post ID: #

Ldsniowa
Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
A Friend

Signs You In Abusive Relationship

It can happen for a lot of reasons starting with low self esteem and depression. I have heard of so many cases recently where women are locked in their own houses for years and not allowed out and are constantly abused and neglected.

I was just watching the tape I recorded last night where Elizabeth Smart and family were interviewed and how she was coerced to the point where she couldn't leave. It was always, "I will kill your family." I think that many others hear the same thing.

In one situation I was in I heard, "If you scream I will smack the **** out of you!" Believe me, you believe...

Some people treat animals better than they do humans... Sad world in which we live.

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