Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
My friend got this list from Dear Abby and I think everybody needs to be aware of these warning signs.
Ldsinowa, that's a great thread. Thanks for all that great information. I'm sure it will help a lot. :)
When I shared these with some friends they added to them:
"Yelling at the partner, for anything."
"Blaming them for things that happened in their childhood, or before you even knew them."
"Financial abuse, charging the spouse for room and board, (for portions of groceries, house gas, house power, telephone, making them pay their own healthcare, meds., and toiletries.)"
"Spiritual abuse: not wanting the partner to go to their church, read or study the scriptures, then blaming the church for everything that went wrong."
"There is also a lot of emotional and psychological abuse that nobody ever sees and few people talk about. I feel that is one of the worst kinds of abuse since no one ever sees the scars. They are the hardest to heal from."
"What is the difference between someone who is having a bad day and someone who is truly abusive?
Here's the key:
With the bad-moment person, when you stand up for yourself, let them know you don't like it, and you want to be treated better, they will apologize, explain their problem and they will actually change for your sake. Not only that but they may thank you for reminding them of their duty. They are sincerely sorry they hurt your feelings. They make an honest attempt to change.
With the true abuser, your standing up for yourself only makes them dig in even harder. They will try to regain or maintain control by turning the tables on you, making YOU out at the person who is at fault, has bad character, isn't thinking straight, etc. If this ever happens with a person who has wronged you, it is the worse sign imaginable. Run, run, run. This person is a sick-o and will control and manipulate you whenever possible. He will justify his actions and condemn yours.
This person will play mind games on you forever. If the person is a spiritual abuser, the person will even quote scriptures and general authorities to "prove" the point. This will leave you feeling confused.
Remember, the Lord's house is a house of order. If any opinion other people attribute to Him sounds CONFUSING, doesn't make sense, doesn't feel right, then it is getting twisted. The true gospel is simple, clear, easy to understand, and so is this rule: Any person who can't say they're sorry when they've abused you, believes in abuse. So get out before you get so beaten down you can't run."
In my situation I called it Dr. Jekyll vs. Mr. Hyde. We (kids and I) never knew what to expect from one day to the next. We constantly walked on the perverbial egg shells...
I struggled with divorce as I knew how the Lord felt about divorce. Â A mutual friend told me, "Yes, but he doen't want you to be miserable." After that I left for the last time.
If and when you should be in a relationship where all or part this rings true, just remember one thing, you are a child of our Father in Heaven and He loves you and does not want you to be unhappy.
I have a very dear friend who shared with me recently that the last time she saw her ex-boyfriend was after he had choked her so hard she passed out. The next morning upon him going to the bank a strong voice, which she believes was my son, her 'guardian angel' as she calls him, said, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" While on his errand the boyfriend called, still ranting. While trying to decide what to do, again the voice came, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" She then immediatly grabbed her purse and her cat and left in her pajamas and drove to her parents house two hours away. This girl is one of the sweetest girls I know and if it had not been for my son's untimely death she could have very well been my daughter-in-law.
No one, absolutely no one deserves to be treated like this.
Remember, if this is you, get out or call 911 now!
What some of us don't know, and may never realize until in an abusive relationship, is how subtle some abuse is. It starts off very small, a little thing that makes no sense and is easily rationalized away as a quirk or a "one time thing." Eventually, after many of these little things have been rationalized, they start to seem normal. You don't realize how bad you feel about yourself and your life until you wake up one morning and have to think up a good reason to live that day. You don't want to call your family or friends -- the friends you have left, anyway -- because you don't like to bring them down. So you go on, day after day, only because you have kids to take care of or a job to go to.
It's really really hard to get out of this kind of a situation, mainly because we don't recognize it as abusive. It generally takes a major event to realize what is really going on. For some women, by this time it's too late, because the big event is a deadly one.
Your list is a great one, ldsniowa!
So very true. I also think that denial has kept many of us from taking the big step out.
Thanks for your insight.
Yes, denial is a big problem too. Well, who wants to acknowledge that the man they fell in love with, married, and bore children with is abusing them and/or the kids? It's a tough row to hoe.
|It's really really hard to get out of this kind of a situation, mainly because we don't recognize it as abusive. It generally takes a major event to realize what is really going on. For some women, by this time it's too late, because the big event is a deadly one.|
It can happen for a lot of reasons starting with low self esteem and depression. I have heard of so many cases recently where women are locked in their own houses for years and not allowed out and are constantly abused and neglected.
I was just watching the tape I recorded last night where Elizabeth Smart and family were interviewed and how she was coerced to the point where she couldn't leave. It was always, "I will kill your family." I think that many others hear the same thing.
In one situation I was in I heard, "If you scream I will smack the **** out of you!" Believe me, you believe...
Some people treat animals better than they do humans... Sad world in which we live.