I disagree that lust is only bad when you don't intend to take it further. I've had several great one-night stands, which pleased both people, or so I was told.
Lust, in the context of this debate, is a sexual desire for someone. There is nothing unhealthy about this emotion. At the risk of sounding to Darwinian, humans are animals, we are designed to copulate. I don't see why there is all this stigma attached to lust.
Love is a lot deeper for me. I can have a sexual desire for someone but not love them. I think love is a more psychological connection, lust is purely a sexual connection.
Arvhic, your view is actually correct, not necessarily right in my opinion, but correct in making the difference. As was defined some pages ago - Love is basically caring about the other and lust is more about caring about self. It is when lust is mixed up as love that the trouble starts. So in your above example, if one of you left thinking that was 'love' then you would be in the wrong.
I get the impression love means something different to everyone. For me love is a very serious thing and cannot be established over the course of one night.
There are probably different levels of love. Some people seem to fall in love much easier than others. I guess if I had a one-nighter with a girl and she felt it was love than I would feel bad about the situation, but I would probably disagree with her.
I don't regard lust as simply caring about self. I don't think it is a selfish act. It is a physical attraction and desire to have sex. It is generally desired by both people who take part in sex. Lust can occur hand-in-hand with love. It certainly does in my current relationship.
Congrats on 15,000 posts JB, that is amazing!
Yes JB. I read every word on all 8 pages. I just went to the dictionary. That was no help at all. Webster is as confused as every body else. The definitions of love and lust are almost interchangeable, so what it boils down to I guess, is each persons individual definition of the words and how they decide to live by those definitions.
In my humble opinion lust is the simple physical excitement, or attraction of a human being for the opposite sex.
Real love to me is the day by day, year by year commitment I make to my spouse because I am still physically attracted to her.
|Real love to me is the day by day, year by year commitment I make to my spouse because I am still physically attracted to her.|
Of course this is not a Religious Board, so I have not brought it up here, but to me this is the reason why Love needs an actual demonstration - so there is no confusion - there is one Man that showed this great example of what Love really is and how we can have it.
JB, you are GOOD at what you do. If I don't cover the nail holes, fill all the cracks, and perform a perfect paint job, you find a chink in my armor. Your probing, and digging at the unused corners of my brain really makes me hammer at the grey matter.
When I can't get an honest answer from a dictionary where can I go? O.K. I'll try again. I heard it said once, "If you're not willing to wade through a swamp infested with alligators to bring her a lemonade, you don't really love her."
I made solemn vows to love, honor, cherish, and bring her tea in bed every morning. With a very few exceptions that couldn't be helped I have not faltered, or failed, except the thing about the tea a few times when I was in the hospital. I managed to get those times excused.
She is the most important thing in my life. She knows it because I tell her often and prove it daily. We have progressed from nothing to land and a comfortable home we enjoy in 15 years of marriage. We have common goals. She is the only woman I ever lived with that has many times called me to say, "I'm going flying with Joe. I'll be back in a couple of hours." I will love her until we are parted by death no matter what she looks like. Life goes on, but I can't imagine my world without her.
And yes, I would wade through an alligator infested swamp to bring her a glass of lemonade.
Boy, did I ever choose the right thread...okay, I'm not going to actually outright voice my opinion of love versus lust here, but rather tell a bit of a story. My wife and I met at AIT(tech school, military style), and honestly, neither of us were expecting what came of our meeting. She was...well, to be honest, I don't think that many in this personally sheltered and shallow society we live in would consider her to be attractive, but from the moment I saw her, something about her drew me in. She's no sex symbol, she's not the flirtatious type, and she is so damned shy it makes it difficult to take her to group activities and parties, but I didn't know any of that when I first met her. Hell, I was so taken with her I was scared to death of her for the longest time. I resorted to the only method I could think of to get her to approach me...I threw gravel. Like a six year old on his middle-school playground, I threw gravel at this woman, until she got up and walked over and gave me a piece of her mind. I couldn't stop smiling...I couldn't help it.
After that first encounter, we started to talk more, and ended up making love within the first week of knowing each other. It was...I still can't think of a word to describe it. Perfect has to work for now, I guess. It was like we had known each other before we had ever been thought of in this wide, crazy universe. I lust after her like no other woman I have ever known. I want her, in every way, completely, not just her body, but I want her opinions, her thoughts, her ideas. I want to know how she hates her eggs in the mornings. I want to experience her angry. I want every single little part of her that makes her....her.
I suppose, through all this, what I am truly trying to say is that for me, lust is as much a part of how I love her as anything else, because I lust after everything she is. I covet this woman. I cannot be around her enough, and every moment that we have been together henceforth has been equally and moreso magical. I probably sound like a great big love drunk sap right now, but it is part of what I am trying to explain. Lust is the foundation for every relationship we have in this world, and I'm not just talking man and wife. From your mother, to your siblings, to your boss, to the coat check guy at your favorite ritzy-ritz restaurant, we all lust after them in one way or another. You lust after your mother's attention, her love back, her sweet words of encouragement and kindness. You lust after the respect and dignity only your siblings can secure in you. You lust after your bosses ability to shut up.
In my own view, everything we want or need from another is a type of lust, because we want it completely. We want it for that person, so that we may either like or detest them more. Lust is not merely the sexual desire felt for another, although it is indeed the most common definition of the term, but an intense desire felt towards someone, regardless of reason. I'm not saying look it up, because I doubt very much that you will find that particular definition in any dictionary, but just take a step back and examine the situation, and tell me I am outright wrong. If you can, and can explain how I am erroneous in this belief, this complete and utter faith in this definition...I suppose all you can really get is the satisfaction of that, huh?
Ah, heck...who am I to question love, anyway? She loves me, for who I am, and everything about me brightens her eyes and brings a smile to her face. That, in my eyes, is love. When someone can take you in completely, when you lose yourself in their eyes, in their words, in their mind...when you cannot tell if you have always known them or met them for only a few scant moments, that, I believe, is love. For when two souls know each other so intimately, can they truly ever be seperated again? I pray I never find out.
And that, ladies and gentlemen...is this man's ranting for the day. Obladi, oblada, life goes on. And I'm late for dinner. Ciao!
Well, lust would not last for long, whereas love will! Or so some say!
Now, I want to ask about something. You know what they say about love: It is like a living thing that needs to be nurtured. Anyway, let me present a scenario: Suppose two people really loved each other, but, they don't nurture the love? Won't it die? Do you think love dies? I have heard people say that love don't die. But what if you don't nurture it? What if the couple fight all the time? Isn't it possible to love someone but not be able to get along with them? Maybe getting along don't have a thing to do with love. Maybe it has a lot to do with the two people's personalities. What if the love is there, but maturity is not there. Let's say one partner is more mature than the other one. Or there are differences and these two people don't know how to cope with these differences. This is why I believe sometimes LOVE is not everything. I am not saying that one should not fall inlove. Infact I think love is the most wonderful thing there is. However, I also think that LOVE coupled with immaturity, misunderstanding and disrespect is the worst combination there can be.
"Love, to me is like music, and we who fall inlove are like the instruments; but if the instrument is not 'finely tuned' then the music will not be as melodious."
Therefore, in chosing someone to love, one should have a wise heart and head, and never let it take you astray. I think if one trusts and listens to one's own intution, then all our questions will be answered. And maybe all we can do is give things time, pray and trust GOD.