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What If... it meant my wife or the Church?

Recently a brother in our District brought an issue to a priesthood meeting. He said something like...

'I would like to be more active in Church and in my calling, but my wife is very much against the Church. She does not want me to participate.'

Now I should give some background info... this brother was baptised late in his life when he already had several kids with his present spouce. They love and get along with each other, but the Church has always been an issue.

Now the question for your review is this... if you were in a smiliar situation where your wife did not want to support you in the Church to the degree where she was actually starting to affect your commitment to the Lord and even turning your  kids against the Church, what would you do?

Church the wife meant If What

There are obviously some marriage problem there.  In a good strong marriage, each partner allows their spouse full autonomy.  I married in the temple many years ago, but if I were to become a Catholic today, my spouse would love and honor me.  To be successful would require both mates to talk and to plan, each being fair in allowing the other a gentle and loving influence on the children.  A loving, stable family can be sealed after mortality.  A fractured family may destroy all hope of an eternal family.  Also, Christ taught the importance of marriage when he said divorce was okay only for adultery.
I think this man needs to sit down and counsel with his wife.  Remember, he was the one who changed, not  her.  He can live the gospel while attending church with her.  Living the gospel is about keeping covenants, not attending meetings. If some agreement cannot be reached they need counseling. But he changed, not her, so he has to meet her more than halfway.

What If... it meant my wife or the Church? Studies Doctrine Mormon

Kathy T, although I understand your point of view, I agreed with it only to a certain extent. You said this:

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In a good strong marriage, each partner allows their spouse full autonomy.  I married in the temple many years ago, but if I were to become a Catholic today, my spouse would love and honor me.

You cannot possible know that, you may think so, you may be pretty sure he will but until you actually become a catholic again you have no way to know how your husband will be like. I tell you, people change a lot when certain circumsntances arise, you'll be amazed on how he could act if you would make that change.

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I think this man needs to sit down and counsel with his wife.  Remember, he was the one who changed, not  her.  He can live the gospel while attending church with her.  Living the gospel is about keeping covenants, not attending meetings. If some agreement cannot be reached they need counseling. But he changed, not her, so he has to meet her more than halfway.

Even though it's true that he was the one who changed, he is NOT the one with the problem but his wife because she's the one who is NOT happy seeing him in Church, he's happy in the Church, it's up to HER made the change of attitude or continue with the same one and put her marriage in jeopardy. Also, if you tell me that the change he made was for bad (you know going around drinking and partying, etc) I could understand why she's not happy but to make a change for better, better principles, a nicer husband and father, etc I don't get it. She definetly is the one with the problem and obviously doesn't love her husband enough because if you see your partner doing something good and is happy about it why you should not support it?, only when you're selfish attitudes like this one comes into the marriage.
I do agree with you that this couple have problems BEFORE he joined the Church, now is just more notorious the opposition. They should make some counseling together and resolve the matter.

Church the wife meant If What

I don't know if there is any correct answer to this dilema.  It's too personal.  My opinions and thoughts are this:  God is supportive of family.  I don't think he'd want this person to have a broken family, but he does want us to serve him above all.  It would require a great deal of fasting and prayer on the man's part.  There are many people here where I live that have similar problems, usually it is the wife who is wanting to go to church and the husband is against it.  Very difficult.  I think that since he has already been baptized he needs to keep the promises he's made to God and fast and pray for his wife , that her heart may be softened.  He just needs to keep setting a good and loving example for his wife and children.

Church the wife meant If What

I have a similar situation. Except in my case, my wife has been ostracized and insulted to the point where the LDS church no longer "works for" her. She has since started attending a Baptist church. She is a 'convert' to the church and we were married in the Temple. It is truly a heart-wrenching situation when spouses cannot come to an agreement regarding religion. It also makes it difficult to raise kids. I have been able to find comfort in keeping my covenants and in being the best example that I can. I still have difficult times, and times of resentment, but I still hold out hope that things will be made right.

I agree with "bink", LOVE, example, fasting and prayer is the best course of action.

What If... it meant my wife or the Church?

Bin, sorry to hear that. Actually I heard most cases of LDS sisters having problems with their husbands about the Church than LDS brothers having this type of problems with their wives. I think the key is maybe not get into any religious confrontation, just loving each other be the best example possible. Of course, prayer and fasting as you all mentioned work miracles. God bless you.

What If... meant wife the Church

QUOTE

He can live the gospel while attending church with her.  Living the gospel is about keeping covenants, not attending meetings.

I don't quite agree with this statement because one of the Temple Recommend questions is do you attend your meetings soooo, I think in order to keep his baptismal covenants he needs to go to Sacrament Meeting and Priesthood Meeting.  

When I was in the RS presidency and complained about active members not coming to RS meetings, etc., I was told by a member of the Bishopric that the only meetings required in order to be worthy for a Temple Recommend are Sacrament and Priesthood.  Again, he clearly needs to attend his meetings in order to live the gospel the way Heavenly Father would have him.

This is a tough situation, but the choice is his wife or his eternal salvation.  I, too, think they need to sit down and try to work this out together, and probably should have done so before he was baptised because he now has made a commitment that he is expected to keep.

What If... meant wife the Church Mormon Doctrine Studies

There are many situations like the one mentioned.  I have seen quite a few in my time.  I have also experienced this situation.  My husband was baptized shortly before I met him.  We waited the required time to get married and sealed.  It was barely three months after that when he became in-active for the first time.  His lack of priesthood leadership and responsibility definitely had a negative affect on our family.  He was either one extreme or the other.  For instance if he was into reading his scriptures he expected everyone in the family to read at his rate and his time etc.  If he were in-active he encouraged activities that would interfere with church attendance.  It was very difficult.   I can only say that as we accept and follow the admonitions and commandments to the best of our understanding we WILL be blessed and so will our families.  We may not see the results we want in the time frame we want, yet the Lord ALWAYS keeps His side of our commitments.  Prayer is the most wonderful tool we have in this world.  It always works!
To be a bit more positive I have also seen relationships where one spouse has been true to his/her covenants and this steadfastness has led to a complete change of heart for the partner.  What joy! It is a miracle wroght by the faith and prayers of those involved.