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-my Stories And Poems-

Umm Im not like published or anything, but these are quite a few poems and some stories of mine. I diont think their much of anything yet, and my stories arent fully finished yet. Ive been trying so hard to finish one, but everytime I start one I think of how to write another. Dont you hate that? But well enjoy and if you dont I wont be upset about it. Like I said, I myself dont think Im perfect yet at it. So here goes.


Faded Grey

I remember hearing laughter and a smile as I stood beside my dresser and giggled as we played hide and seek when I was 2, its hard to remember such a blur, vague memory, but that was just one of the good happy memories I remember. Hearing her call me "Hayyyyyydeeeen! Haaaaayyden" rang in my ears as the look of her smile and picking me up and her twirl and hug embrace. She was my comfort, the celebrity that wasn't famous at all. My mother was not only famous, yet unbelievably not who I thought. Though someone I resembled and loved more then I can think I remember. I would sit and watch her silly soap operas eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and hear her little cries of sadness over who had married who and who had their little child stolen and captured. I didn't understand them, but I was there to help her cries rather then enjoy the show that made absolutely no sense at all to me. Sometimes Id cry and not know why I was crying, but Id hear her shout at the TV "No! Mae was supposed to kiss him" I just shrugged the ways of the show off and laughed when she did, and ended up asleep before the end.
They were good while they lasted, I've watched recently and look back thinking how silly she had to have been to cry over such weird crazy things. I do cry over certain parts. The parts of the children. The ones you never see, but always seem to make the whole story even more sad. I liked the stories of happy things, the prince and the princess, the kisses and happily ever afters. Theirs none of that in soaps or real life, only if you try your best and keep your mind sane. I thought I had that once. When Id get my soft kisses from her at night and when Id sleep with the touch of her gentle soft touch how she'd take the hair away from my eyes and kiss my cheek and whisper "I love you like the sky!"
I loved that saying, she always did love the sky, she always had our little picnics outside when it wasn't to bad out. Sometimes if we hadn't been out we would go out just for a stroll around the yard and sit with our toes getting tickled with each strand of prickling grass and laying down with our elbows behind our heads and knees up. We'd watch the clouds and talk about the angels and stars that live in the clouds.
When it rained I never liked it..I never realized and wondered why until now. That's something Im scared of and understand more about now. Something I make sure I am aware of before anything.
Id hide under the blankets trying to get myself asleep knowing I couldn't and kept my eyes held tight and shut squinting them until they hurt. Id see shadows and get afraid, not thinking it was a monster, but something that never affected me until Ray and before I never knew.
Ray was nice to me some of the time. I was only like 4 when I remember most, but my horrible mind never let loose of his doings. I couldn't imagine in my mind things, things I didn't want to relive and remember. Things I didn't care to forget and be forgotten though.
How he'd make those loud cracking sounds with his knuckles always made me jump, or the way he would talk, the deep sounding frightful voice any little child would think would sound scary.
Not only his voice, his threats too. I wanted to know what he meant by everything. Like by the way he always said "There is no affair!" and how he'd say the word "Stupid" and me to have no clue what it meant. My mother had told me never to use it. She said for sure if I did, it would have a bad comeback. I decided not to try and use it, but it did come out once when I was really getting frightened by Ray.
He was making the loud sounds again of his knuckles and then head to his room with my mother making louder sounds I heard. That night made me want to just say that word to him over and over not caring what my mother had said. But it came out that night, the night I fought for things. The night I should've soon came to know, but feel the need to stay not a part of.
It was the night when I wanted to be dream and be lifted under the angels wings and into the clouds into the blue sky of crystal pureness. I waited for that day, for her to come home. She never did.
I waited and even watched her soap opera to tell her what happened. I had it planned. "Raychard and Burke found Leslie on the mountain and that's where they almost died" Not knowing what dead was either, knowing that that's what they seemed to say a lot in the show and that it was a bad thing. But she never showed up. I didn't think of anything, I just thought of her days how they had been and didn't pay attention.
I was 4 and bored, nothing much you can have to do.
She had bought me a puppy who I named after our favorite thing. The Sky. She was a good puppy except for the fact she cried a little to much. Ray didn't like that. He'd throw her in my room and scream at her and then at me. I cried for the night after he'd scream. I wasn't for sure if he was just mean or if he was doing the best for me. I thought both being 4.
That day Skye was being a good puppy and me a good girl, I watched the soap opera and ate my sandwich and gave my crust to the puppy. I never liked crust after I seen mommy never eat them and Skye would go hungry if I didn't. Ray came home that day, he took one look at me and I smiled and told him I had been good and he picked up the puppy grabbing me by the arm and went to my room and packed my bag up.
The bag I had just gotten for my first day of preschool. He put my clothes in it, my favorite dresses, and my favorite jacket, books, toys and then grabbed another bag light enough for me and filled it as well. I watched in wonder and thought he was taking me on my way to mommy.
I was excited to go on trips. Mommy had brought me on many. We always had lived somewhere new. This time was going to be fun I thought a new school and house.
I helped him pack up and then he looked at me for the first time with red eyes and stared at me and swallowed like he had been drinking his "Root Beer" mommy called it. He told me that mommy said "She loves me more then the Sky!" I gave him a hug and he hugged back quick and then let loose and grabbed me by the arm again.

Poems- Stories -my

It is quite a bit of reading, but I was not sure to tackle it because it looks like one story rather than 'stories and poems' as you indicated. Which is it?