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Mormon Autistics - Autistic LDS - Autism & Mormons - Page 4

Hello. While I was still LDS I wrote some things about what it is like to be LDS and autistic. JB contacted me and asked me to share my thoughts here. I don't know why, or what material of mine JB read. I apologize for the inconvenience in advance.

I can't speak for all autistic people, but growing up autistic, for me, meant being ignored or misunderstood when I tried to tell people how I felt and what my needs were. My parents did not understand. My siblings did not understand. My church leaders did not care and did not understand. When people did understand what I told them about my needs and who I was, it was so weird to them that they refused to accept it. They told me how wrong I was to feel that way and to be that kind of person, using anything they could, including church doctrine, to justify their prejudice.

It didn't help that I was the only boy my age who took it seriously when church leaders talked about p-rn-graphy and masturbation. My LDS peers made lewd jokes and dirty pickup lines, and drew "Wife-Beater 2000s" for the art merit badge. I felt horribly guilty and unworthy because I liked PG-rated furry art, and tried everything that I knew how to suppress my s-xual feelings completely. It did not work, and I knew that I would be separated from my Heavenly Father and my family in the next life. I felt so awful. I hated myself so much, for that and for being so different from everyone else.

My autistic girlfriend introduced me to the concept of disability rights a couple of years ago. I realized that a lot of what I had gone through, growing up, was because people didn't know how to deal with the kind of person I was -- people, including myself. I realized there should be accomodations for persons like me at home and at church activities, and that it wasn't right that I should have to spend the whole time pacing out in the foyer, nervously clutching my MP3 player.

Later on I became convinced that the same things applied to gay and lesbian people, and that the reason they had so much trouble was because they were different like I was. And people wanted to "cure" them like they wanted to cure me. Not because it would help them in any way, but because people were uncomfortable having them around. I quickly became unpopular on an LDS forum when I voiced these opinions there, and questioned them on a doctrinal level also.

I am bisexual. My girlfriend is autistic and asexual (she has romantic feelings, but no s-xual feelings at all). My best friends are all in close, monogamous, same-gender relationships. They are good people, and cute couples. They are kind and creative. I'm privileged to know them.

The LDS church of today would not be a good place for them, any more than it was for me. I felt so bad I almost killed myself in it. I'm glad I survived. I hope that your children do also.

Edited: Feathertail on 31st Dec, 2010 - 10:47pm

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Thank you for sharing some of your feelings. You say that well because most people do not realize that when you meet a person with Autism you meet one unique individual with unique characteristics. People hear the word "Autism" and immediately ask in their mind, "So does he rock back and forth hitting his head on the wall"? Truth is people do not know and you are right... I cannot pretend to know what goes on in the minds of my own children, but I do get an idea from their repeated gestures / actions.

Maybe they really did not understand. They only verbally say they understand but unless you are living in Rome....

Well, you are welcomed to share your thoughts here, however I will like to keep this free from anything s-xual in nature because this is a Public Forum where young folk also view. Those kinds of things we have a LDS Mature section for.

Regarding your Membership in the Church, how far did you get? Did you receive the Priesthood, serve a mission? You mentioned you are no longer a Member... Did you just simply stop attending or have your records removed? How does your family feel about it?

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I understand this was not meant to refer to me, and that you may prefer to use that language when talking about your own children. Please refer to me as "an autistic person" though, when you do.

There is not a "normal" person inside me. I cannot be "cured" of autism. I don't do some of the "autistic" things that I did when I was younger, but it is not because of any therapy I received (which I didn't). It is because I grew up, learned to accept myself and avoid stressors, and am no longer a powerless child who can have others' wills imposed on him at any time. And who is unable to communicate his distress in a way those others will accept.

I do not mean to accuse anyone here of hurting an autistic person.

I am, actually. Rome, Georgia.

No, they did not understand.

I personally wish that I'd spoken to others about this when I was young, and realized that I was not a bad person. I am aware of many LDS youth who have killed themselves because of pervasive feelings of unworthiness, based on their s-xual feelings or same-gender attraction. I will respect your wishes, though.

I was born in the covenant and baptised when I was eight. I received the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthood, due to hasty last-minute repentance and one time when I was scared stiff by being threatened with church discipline. When I became unworthy again and could not serve a mission, I felt awful. I knew I would have to account for the souls that I could have saved, and for every one of their children.

I resigned from the LDS church for ethical reasons. My family and I argued about it. They think that I've gone insane. They are willing to put it aside and ignore it though. As dysfunctional as we are, we are used to doing that.

Edited: Feathertail on 31st Dec, 2010 - 11:46pm

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I was not referring to you specifically but what in your mind is the difference between saying "An Autistic Person" and "A Person With Autism"? For me I say it like that because it first of all constitutes that we are talking about a person first and then their characteristics after. For instance I am a person first and a Trinidadian after. I cannot change the fact I am Trinidadian, but it is not what makes me an individual.

I understand that.

Fancy that.

When you say your 'family' you mean your parents and siblings (relatives)? Or your own family?

Do you ever go back to anything related to the Church?

Rather off topic, but...
You should check out the Psychology Board I mentioned in your Intro Thread. In there are many Topics I will like to get your input into.

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Because to me, saying "a person with autism" is like saying "a person with blackness," or "a person with femaleness." It tells me you consider me to have personhood in spite of my being autistic. But since there's no way to change who I am inside, and rewire my nervous system to be like yours, that's the same thing as saying that I'm not a person.

I understand that that's not the message you're trying to send.

I mean my parents and siblings. My girlfriend and friends are extremely supportive.

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

I mean no offense, but I do not like these forums, and I would rather not browse or become a regular. If there are specific topics you would like me to comment on, please direct me to them. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Mormon Autistics - Autistic LDS - Autism & Mormons

It's interesting that you say that because I have a 10 year old autistic son who says sometimes that I don't understand him, probably I do not. I think when dealing with high functioning autistic people it is very hard to understand how their mind operate, the way they think, process and analyze information and it becomes very frustrating both for the parents and for the children.

When did you was diagnose with autism? I ask because I am interested in knowing whether they knew of your autism or they didn't.

I'm curious, since we know the challenges on autistic people varies depending on the individual how is it like to have a girlfriend that also has autism? Do you imagine yourself with someone who may not have autism? How is the relationship? Keep in mind I have three sons in the spectrum and I wonder how the future would be like for them.

Also, did you ever have a problem with "memory" growing up? The reason I ask is because one of challenges with one of my sons is "remember" things. I find myself repeating and re-teachings the same things every single day and my son often says he "forgets". I am not sure if this is unique to him or autism in general.

Thanks in advance for replying.

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I'm a bit wary of labels like "high-functioning." I'm "high-functioning" myself, but my ability to cope with the non-autistic world varies from day to day -- one day I can charm my girlfriend's mom by speaking politely to her, and the next I have to speak in a monotone or a sing-song voice, because I don't have enough energy to make myself seem normal.

Disability is complex. There are some things I never have trouble with, some things I sometimes have trouble with, and some things I always have trouble with. But because the things I can always or sometimes do are close to a "normal" person's skillset, I'm "high-functioning," which means they're baffled when I all of a sudden can't do something "anyone" can. Meanwhile, my writing and programming abilities are "special talents," and other people aren't disabled for not having them.

The difficulty in understanding does work both ways. It's just considered a disability for us because there are fewer of us. We tend to be better at understanding "normal" people when we grow up, though, simply because it's a survival skill for living in a world they run. We just can't always do what they ask.

When I say "we," I mean me and the other autistics I've spoken with and read the writings of.

I did not was diagnose with autism. My parents thought I was "gifted," because they knew of my "special talents" and homeschooled me to develop them.

Growing up, though, I despaired because of how different I was from everyone else, and how hard it was to force myself to go through the same things they did. I started writing stories for people "like me," with characters "like me" they could sympathize with. And I prayed and told Heavenly Father that I knew there was someone else "like me" out there, and would he please help me find her so I could save her from feeling as awful and left-out at our young single adult activities as I did.

I met my girlfriend when I offered to write a story for her. And I listened to her tell me how weird and awkward the character based on her was, and thought "Boy, will she be surprised when I tell her that I'm the same way!" It wasn't until later that I found out that she was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and was a disability rights advocate.

She and I would prefer that you say "A girlfriend who's also autistic." Please see my last post. And I don't imagine myself with anyone else, silly.

Our relationship is extremely close. Partly because we're so like each other and have so many shared interests, and partly because having been hurt so often, we both know better than to try to force the other to feel or behave a certain way.

I don't know about mixed-neurotype relationships, but a neurotypical ("normal") friend of mine is married to an autistic person, and just finding out what it's like for him really seemed to help their relationship. There are all sorts of things autistics do or feel that aren't "normal" or that seem nonsensical, and finding out why he did these things seemed to help them communicate better. A lot of it's just acceptance. That's why I write stories; to help people accept themselves and others.

I didn't have problems with "memory" per se, but there are some things that I find it hard to remember, like names and faces.

I'd ask your child what the trouble was and what he thought would help, if I could.

You're welcome.

Edited: Feathertail on 1st Jan, 2010 - 1:11am

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Do you attend any activities or meetings related to the Church. Do you still read the related scriptures, etc. In other words... Is your ethical stance mentioned by you earlier based on your own personal choices or you no longer accept / believe in what the Church teaches?