One day the missionaries was walking down this one street and as they looked up the street they saw a priest suddenly come out of a door way and as the priest looked at the missionaries he thought that he didn't want to be noticed to much so he took out his bible and acted as if he was reading and as he walked by them he said (to be courtious) "Hello sons of the Devil. and the missionaries turned and replyed, HELLO FATHER.
"Fighting with a large army under your command is nowise different from fighting with a small one: it is merely a question of instituting signs and signals." -- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Have you ever wondered why Canables hate Mormon Missionaries? well its simple . Its hard to keep a good man down. EWWWWWWWWW
One day this sunday school teacher went into her class and thought of something to enlighten her young students. so she asked
Alright class HOW DO I GET INTO HEAVEN?
she asked If I was tobe good to all my pets and treat them with love can I get into heaven.
the class unamosuly said NOOOOOOOO.
This made the teacher smile. and so she asked. If I was tobe good to all my neighbors and do things for them would I be able to get into heaven?
The class unamously said , NOOOOOOOO.
now the teacher was so proud of her class. and she asked well if I was to go to church all the time, pay my tithing and do temple work would I be able to get into heaven then?
The class unamously said NOOOOOOOOO once more.
And this frustraited the teacher so she asked why.
The students replied back "because you'd half tobe dead. to get into heaven.
O,K, for you theater inthuesastist. who was the greatest actor in the bible?????? Samson he brought the house down. : :D
These jokes are awesome! I like to gather, being a new member and all. Thanks!
Edited: moo on 1st May, 2004 - 3:51am
This is probably not the best place for this post, but here goes.
After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so
familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full
flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."
The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he
spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I had been guilty of those things, but
I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.
"When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hello Father," and then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine." My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy." As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said," There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips.... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full.
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"
Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,
"PAID IN FULL."
Here is a LDS Humor web site. You can sign up for LDS jokes to be sent to you via email.
MrSmith: Link removed. Used the LDS Classifieds section for promotion.
We interrupt LatterDay Saint Jokes to share learning from past times:
Today is: 17th December (GMT), in history on the 17th of December, 1942 AD the following birth happened:
Bernard Hill: Manchester -- Actor (Bellman & True, New World, Bounty)