Page 3 Relationship Abusive In You Signs
It is controlling, manipulating and abusive. Of course the women see it as caring. IF they saw it as controlling they would be out of there fast.
I wasn't raised in an abusive or even a controlling home. My parents shared equally in parenting, teaching and loving us children. I have agonized for years as to why and how I ended up in an abusive and controlling marriage. Yet we were also very sheltered. I never dated until I left home at 18. My older sisters have never dated and they are 58 & 55 and of course single.
When my husband called me all the time, he was sweet talking, lovey-dovey, and to me at the time, I saw it as he was so in love with me that he just couldn't stand to be away from me. He also fed into that fantasy. But in reality he was manipulating and controlling me. If I didn't answer the phone, he would sweetly ask why. If it was because I was vacuuming and didn't hear the phone then all was well. But if it was because I was out of the house, then it would depend on what I said I had been doing. If it was to mail a letter to his mother, then that was okay. But if it was to just walk or shop then he would turn it into being not loyal.
Over the years he became more controlling. He controlled what was watched on TV, who we were friends with, even to how I was supposed to vote and think and feel about politics, religion and current events. He even decided what job I would do, where I would work and even how I would do that job!
The last five years of our marriage he worked out of town. He was no longer controlling the TV, the phone conversations, who I visited with or even the letters I wrote. I also had a computer and e-mail. He never could figure out the email thing, so through correspondence with new girlfriends, in watching what I wanted to on TV (the Woman's Channel, 60 minutes, 20-20 mostly), I learned. I learned that my life was NOT NORMAL. That I was being manipulated and had been from the very beginning. I learned that I was not dumb, stupid. That I had a sense of humor, and that I had my own opinions. I grew up, matured and learned that I could change my life.
When I came to the realization that he would not change, that in fact he saw nothing wrong in what he was doing, how he treated me. That is when I plotted to leave him. When he got physically abusive, then I escalated the plans.
Once I was out of the house and into my own little rental home, he pretty much ignored me. He never followed through with any of his threats or promises. Now when I think back over our life together ~ he had never followed through with any of his promises or threats to me then either. It was always the implied threat that *Kept me in check* I truly fear pain and more than that I fear *rejection*. He knew this and utilized it against me. No, that is not love, that is Control ~ Manipulation.
Edited: AGene on 22nd May, 2004 - 5:45pm