|I understand what you all are saying what I cannot comprehend is why if someone is being beated every day and even have black eyes or worst things they cannot see that as an abuse??? why they don't listen when their friends or family try to tell them and help them? why they get angry at their families and they defend their partners even when maybe the guy is abusing her own children! I cannot understand it!|
"The wrongdoer is more unfortunate than the man wronged." -- Democritus.
The worst thing about getting out of an abusive relationship is the amount of time it takes to recover. If the abuse took place over a long period of time then it is very likely that the person escaping has very little self confidence, self esteem, self worth, etc. They may have been made to feel so useless that they doubt they are capable of doing anything correctly, let alone doing it on their own. The driving force behind most abusers is control & the easiest way to control a person is to make sure there is nothing left of the person being abused to fight back. There is nothing worse than being gradually worn down until the person you were no longer exists.
Most people tell the abused person that now they are out of that awful situation they'll be ok. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Getting away from the abuser is hard enough, making a new life on your own, is extremely difficult, but the hardest thing of all is rebuilding a personality. Where do you start?
How do you face what seems to be an almost impossible task? I guess the only way is to take each day, work through it, stay positive & then start again the next day. I think my biggest worry is does an abused person ever fully recover or do they just learn how to cope.
|I think my biggest worry is does an abused person ever fully recover or do they just learn how to cope.|
it is interesting that women tend to take up this issue, but men seem to be shy about it. Is it that it happens to men less or is it that they are 'shy' to expose their inability to 'control' the situation?
There is a more indepth topic about this on the mature board for those of you that are able to access it or see it.
I think, JB, because women are usually the most affected by abuse, and men don't want to get in the middle of a bunch of women talking about it. And victims who are men may be reluctant to share that experience. Besides which, women are generally more willing to discuss deep feelings than most men (in general! and I mean U.S. men, I don't know many from other cultures...)
In my opinion, of course.
|What some of us don't know, and may never realize until in an abusive relationship, is how subtle some abuse is. Â It starts off very small, a little thing that makes no sense and is easily rationalized away as a quirk or a "one time thing."|
Agene, thank you so much for sharing your story of courage and hope with us. I know it will help a lot to those people who may be reading this that they're are going through some kind of abuse. Your story inspired a lot of hope, that not all is lost but if you have life, there is hope. Thanks again for sharing your feelings with us. :) God bless you always.
Thank you for sharing that with us, AGene. How difficult it is when you realize what's been happening for so long... I'm truly grateful you were able to get out!
I can vouch for the Women's Centers. I went to group therapy classes at a local place, and it was wonderful. And you see how these abusers are so much alike... after the woman leaves, it seemed each man had some kind of major change... quit drinking, quit smoking, got religion, got a job... "I'm a changed man, honey! Come home NOW. Everything will be different, I PROMISE." And all this within a couple of weeks :) I remember one woman in the group who had gone back to her husband several times, and each time he was sweet and loving for a few weeks or months, and then he would go right back to his old behavior. She finally left for good after he beat her so severely that she nearly lost her left eye. But she was devastated -- she loved him!
It's so sad to see this. But as someone posted above -- recovery is definitely possible. Thank you, again, for sharing your story.